“The Devil who lacks southern comfort but loves misery and barbecue!”

I am lactose intolerant, so dairy products make me sick to my stomach.

But your energy, attitude, and personality makes me sick to my soul.
Just picturing your face destroys any determination to leave home on weekday mornings.
The sound of your voice makes my ear drums bleed, and flowers die off as you walk by them.
I thought the Labor Day storm was the worst thing that could happen to my city, until you stepped foot onto our soil.
You’re so disrespectful, the things you say are just as stupid as your smile.
I can smell that sexist stench off of you every time i’m stuck in your presence.
I swear my blood never boiled until it was brought to my attention on how you handle things.
You are more of a parasite than professional.
Maybe I just need to return back to school.
I remember learning that the devil wears Prada, but I don’t recall being taught that the devil enjoys southern barbecue as well.
You racist, rat looking winch!
The only time I feel amazing is when you are absent!
The fact that I am skipping the gym to write about you in a poem pisses me off!
Today I wasted money on wine to relax me because of your wack ass!
A lot of our issues could be resolved with simple communication.
But instead you come at me other ways like a coward!
You are definitely a snake with your dry scaly skin!
You’re just a cobra with a college degree!
I feel like you’re trying to give me the same amount of gray hairs on my head, to match the ones residing on your top lip.
And if a rabid racoon ever gets trapped in your office, best believe I will be outside of your door keeping you two isolated, until your conference is completely over!
Yet, I try to believe there are good things about you somewhere inside.
But your heart only beats a color darker than orbit.
And if we both were the same gender, I would have been punched you directly in the center of your forehead!
The possibility of seeing you tomorrow already angers me!
You burn bridges with people more than meats on a neglected grill.
Do yourself a favor for the both of us PLEASE!
Either grow up and treat people with respect.
Or choke on some cornbread until you are no longer conscious.
Thank you…
-Ricky “Randum” Maeweather

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